After your parents split up, your mum or dad may marry again or live with a new partner. This new partner will be your stepparent.

If your stepparent has children from another marriage, then these children will be your stepbrothers and stepsisters.

It takes time getting to know a new family

You might live in a family with a new parent and new brothers and sisters. Your life will have changed, but remember your parents still love you and your new stepparent and stepbrothers and sisters want to get to know you.

Becoming part of a new family situation can be difficult. At first, things may seem different or confusing. This is normal, its important to stay open-minded and give things a chance to improve, and usually they do. Some changes are going to be for the better, you may see a different side to your parents - they may be a lot happier now.

There could be times when you have to do things differently from what you are used to different rules, routines or expectations. Getting used to new ways of doing things can be stressful and it does take time to adjust.

You could have to move house or school and this can be hard especially if this means losing friends. You might be able to keep in touch by phone, letter or email. It can be exciting making new friends too.

Stepparents wont replace your parents

At first, you may not get on with your stepsisters or stepbrothers, its important to understand that they are probably finding it just as difficult as you. It can be a hard time for your parent and stepparent as well they will need your help to make things work. Remember, stepparents wont replace your parents so dont feel threatened by them or think they are taking over. Its OK to love stepparents too and give them a chance.

Let people know how you are feeling

Sometimes when families join together there is less space and you may have to share a bedroom. It might be difficult to find a quiet space to do your homework or just even to be alone. The people around you may not realise, so let them know how you are feeling.

When big things change, like entering into a new family, you may have to let some old habits go. This can be like grieving a loss, which may involve you feeling sad and angry before you can accept your new situation.

You are having to get used to lots of changes, some may be small while others can be quite big. Although things are different, being part of a stepfamily can be really neat. It may just take a bit of time to get used to your new situation.

Talk about your feelings

If you are finding things difficult, talk about your problems with the adults and other stepchildren. If people know how you are feeling they may be able to do things to make it easier for you.

Also tell your friends how you are feeling so they can support you.

It might help to talk to a Kidsline Buddy about how youre feeling.

Kidsline is New Zealands only 24 hour help line for New Zealand children.  Phone 0800 KIDSLINE (0800 543 754) any time.

You can ring any hour of the day on our 0800 number and talk to a trained counsellor about anything that might be worrying you.  These counsellors are caring, understanding adults who will listen to you. 
Or you can also talk on weekdays between 4-6pm to a Kidsline Buddy.

Our service is anonymous and confidential. That means we don't know who you are, unless you choose to tell us and we dont tell anyone what you've said, except in exceptional circumstances where you ask us to.

Kidsline thanks and acknowledges Specialist Education Service (SES), which is now special education within the Ministry of Education, for their contributed material used to produce these help sheets. Crown copyright 1998.